FATHERLESS NO MORE by Samuel Sellers, III

FATHERLESS NO MORE: I held on to these tears for sixty one years. I was able to relate to so many fatherless sons and daughters in the street, the church, the jail and in the prison. I was bleeding inside; with a band-aid for the hurt and a mask to hide the pain. In my lifetime, I talked to my father on the phone only one time after he left when my mother was pregnant with my younger brother. I was two years old when he left and sixteen years old when he called. I was longing for my father’s love. The one time he did call, all he discussed was how many women he had. I spent years daydreaming; thinking my father was looking for me. I was afraid that when he came back he would find another man dating my mom and that man would get in the way of my family being together again. But I was so wrong. At the age of eighteen, actually on my eighteenth birthday, my father passed away. Because we had no relationship, I did not find out he was deceased until two weeks after his death. We never had a chance to reconcile; nor did I have a chance to attend his funeral. A few weeks ago, while in California, I took the opportunity to visit my father’s gravesite. My first cousin passed and my wife asked me why I wanted to come. I didn’t answer her at first because in actuality, I didn’t know myself. But while there I knew I had to visit my father’s gravesite so that I could let go. After a lengthy search in the misty rain, I found where my father was buried. I kneeled down on the grass that had no tombstone; no name. The only way to find out where his body was buried was through the archives kept at the cemetery. As I kneeled, I was able to forgive. I didn’t know why he did the things he did, nor did I know what kind of life he lived. I didn’t even know if he cared. But I chose to forgive. When I look back over my life I can say that I have a mother who was always there. As a boy, I always had to be the man of the family. As I kneeled at my father’s grave, I felt like a little boy who never had a chance to be a little boy. There are times that we need to revisit our pain so that we can finally let go. Life can make us BITTER or BETTER; it’s up to us. But now, I can thank my father, because his absence only made me better. I will be back to visit Oxnard, California. We met some great people. I met family members for the first time. I reconnected with my sister whom I haven’t seen in more than thirty years and made ministry connections that were not expected. I am grateful for the pain. Had I not known the pain, I would not know the value of reliance on God’s strength. I was once a fatherless child. But as a child of God, I know what it’s like to have a Father who cares. - Samuel Sellers, III, FATHERLESS NO MORE